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Feelings Of A Lonely Woman
by Alys Rysel

Iíve thought that I was strong enough, but now all those memories archived in the depths of my heart are coming back to me. And the only thing I feel is pain. Pain and sorrow of myself.

It was my fault. If I hadnít been so resentful, he would be here with me now. But then I was angry. I wanted to avenge my motherís pride.

The first thing that came to my mind when I knew that he was looking for my help was to humble him. But then, in battle, I realized that he was an Orakian. He could have some technique power but he was an Orakian after all. Layans canít pick up any sword, and he was a great swordsman. So, when I was defeated, I decided to join him with the excuse of protecting my Power Topaz, the gem that allowed us to reach the legendary land of Satellite. But what I really wanted was to know him, just to find another chance to humiliate him. I wanted to show him who I was and how the true Orakians are. But at the end of the journey, things changed. I was deeply in love with him. I couldnít help it. Despite my rudeness, he was nice to me. He helped me in whatever I needed, he cared for me. And I decided to give him an opportunity. I didnít want to, but then I realized it was too late. I told myself not to fall in love with him, with the son of the man who abandoned his land and my mother for a Layan girl. But it had been stronger than me. Thatís why I felt so miserable when he chose Thea as his wife.

She had advantages: they were cousins. They grew up together. They were Layan. So it was reasonable that she had been the chosen.

I returned to Landen almost immediately after his choice. There was nothing left for there, in Azura. I returned heart-broken, just as my mother did. But I tried (as much as I could) not to show it.

I decided to protect Landen and Satera instead of looking for a husband. I didnít want to fall in love again at that time.

ĒIīm young. Nothing will happen if I donít marry right nowĒ, I used to say. My parents were worried, specially mum, who couldnít understand our fate: both of us couldnít marry the man we loved. She didnít want me to become a tough person, not in appearance, but at heart.

And she thought that I was going to have normal royal life when I met Lian. Lian was a Sateran boy who I met during a holiday. We began to share our time and, soon, we were more than friends. I loved him, but not as much as my first love. But he understood it. He lived something similar: his sister was about to marry a young man when he ran away, and she still misses him.

But I am doomed by fate: a few days before our wedding, he died. After that, I decided to look after my cities. I didnít want to get hurt by love again.

And, in that, I succeeded. Every attack of Luneīs army has been stopped, with the exception of the first attack, which destroyed Satera, my beautiful homeland. By then, we werenít ready for an attack and his army was enormous. But we have stopped him, although he raised a bridge to reach Landen, just to get to Aridia and find Layaīs treasure. Now people accept me and give me support because of that.

But Iím alone. Mum and Dad are dead, Lian is dead, Satera is destroyed and now, I got the news that Ayn is also dead.

I canít believe it. Someone attacked Azura, and he didnít want to leave. So did Thea, his beloved wife. But their son, Sean, escaped and is coming here, to ask for help, just as his father did some time ago.

I will help him the most I can. I wonít commit the same error as before: I wonít be resentful. He can be more Layan than Orakian, he can be the grandson of the man who destroyed my motherís heart (and the son of the man Iíve loved, how quaint), but those things doesnít make him a criminal. Nobody is perfect. He needs help, he must find out who killed his parents and his people.

I canít leave Landen; the people needs me and Iíve lost agility, but I will guide him and Iīll pray for his safety.

I must help him. Itís the least I can do in memory of my family, of Ayn and of those who wanted and want this endless war to stop.

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