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Behind You
by Alys Rysel


I have always been by your side, but you have never noticed me.

I have always been watching over you, knowing you, but you have never seen me. I guess I was almost than nothing to you. I can understand you: a "political" marriage isn't a very funny thing.

But I have been raised to be your wife, and when I met you, I felt in love. I'm still in love. But I don't think you felt the same. Definitely, you hadn't felt the same. If you had done it, you wouldn't have fall in love with Maia when you rescued her.

Don't misunderstand me: I'm not jealous. She loves you, and I do know what is to love someone, but I also know how it feels to love someone who doesn't feel the same for you. It's painful when you think of it, but the only memory of that person makes you happy, it gives you joy, it gives you hope in the difficult moments.

But the memories of someone you love can also be very harmful. Your image gave me hope some days; other days drove me to desperation... To think that you were going to marry another woman, and that I was going to be in front of you, just watching your joy, while I could be in her place... it was horrible.

But I'm not resentful. Otherwise, I wouldn't have helped you to escape, to find Maia again. I don't want you to say "Thank you", I don't need it, I did it because I loved you.

I thought I wasn't going to see you again. It had been a shock to be kidnapped by a dragon, which then resulted to be Lyle, your wife's cousin... oh, you still don't know that... I wonder if you will know someday... but I won't be the one to tell you...

I suppose you hadn't thought about me in your journey, until the moment when you saw me in Shusoran. I can also understand that: someone in love can't think in any other thing, which is not its beloved one. I know it by experience. People say that other people experience isn't useful. But this one is a constant, in what love respects.

And then, we both met again. You fought for me. You defeated Lyle just because of me. Would you believe me that I thought you weren't going to marry Maia? I wanted to jump to your arms, to kiss you, not to separate again from you.

But instead of saying or doing that, I just pulled you to go on with the search of Maia. I don't know why I had said that, maybe I felt it was an obligation, because I felt it as a duty, or because I wanted you to choose me in front of her... I don't know. Maybe because Lyle has the other stone which was needed to make reappear the road to Cille, the home of your beloved one. Maybe that made me to think... I still don't know.

We fought side by side; you cared so sweetly for me, you made me feel good with your presence and your kind words. But my hope was getting bigger with each kind word; but it was also getting smaller when I come to think that you weren't doing all those things for me, but for her...

Again, don't think I'm jealous, maybe just a little, but you made me desire to find someone who could do the same for me. To overcame every obstacle that could appear in the way for me. Someone able to do all those things just to be with me... I realized that in some way I was doing the same for you. Otherwise, I would have given you the Moon Tear and waited for you and the others in Shusoran.

When we returned to Aquatica, after returning the moons to its orbits in Aridia, I already knew you were going to choose her. I always knew that, but I didn't want to realize. I guess I gave up the little piece of hope I had attached to my heart...

And then, the moment come. In Cille's Castle we found your beloved one... she was standing just behind the King of Cille, her father. You were astonished while hearing all that. I can't blame you; it was a surprise for me, too. But we fought, especially you, and we won. Then, the moment of decision come. It was she or I. Princess Maia, with her kingdom of Cille, head of the Layan tribes; and I, Princess Lena of Satera, future Queen of Satera, your neighboring country. Do you now understand why our parents had planned our wedding since we were children?

By then, I gave up all my hope. You fought bravely for your love. I did what I could. And it wasn't too much to make you to notice me. I knew that miracles existed, but that it wouldn't be my case. You had to be crazy to choose me after battling so much for someone.

And I wasn't wrong. You chose Maia. You had found happiness in her. You had found the source of your life in her. You preferred her over your family, your traditions, your people, your land... over me.

But I'm not resentful. I can't do anything about that. I left Cille almost immediately after your choice. Your family had to know... and I would cry in front of you if I stayed a while longer... I wouldn't do that. I don't need your pity. We, Orakians, have our pride. And you know that quite well.

So, I left without saying goodbye to you. But I'm sure you wouldn't have noticed me, as you did before so many times. I returned to our land. It was very difficult to tell everyone that you decided to abdicate your throne. As you were the only successor to Landen's throne, I was chosen to replace you. You can see that I have always been behind you, even in the succession line.

I had suffered the first times after your abduction. People blamed me for it. They needed someone to blame, and well; guess who has been the chosen... With big effort, I restarted my life. It was very painful to think that you were several miles away from me, in another woman's arms... I hadn't slept properly for two weeks or so. I used to dream about you, enjoying your life with Maia, playing with a small child, that it was obviously your child... that made me to get up in the middle of the night, sad, with a big desire to get out of the Castle and escape from everything...

But I have survived. I have passed all those bad moments. I learned to live without thinking about you. Past times are gone, they could have been better, but they are gone.

Now I don't get up in the middle of the night anymore, I don't cry for you. I have my own life. I'm married; I have a beautiful daughter, Sari. I hope she'll grow up without any wars. I don't want her to be a sad or worried young woman. But there are some resentful folks within Landen... I'm afraid they'll spoil our peace.

But I still have all those memories about us. I try to deny it, but I still love you a little. Just a little. I can't take out of my mind all those good moments; when you fought against Lyle for me, the nights under the stars and the two moons we shared while searching for Maia, your surprised look in your face when you had to choose and you realized I existed...

As you see, I'm neither resentful nor jealous. You showed me so many things I had and I just hadn't noticed... You showed me what true love is, it's a pity I couldn't share my love with you. But I have found my love. You have been my first one, but life must go on...

Thanks, Rhys, for all... Thanks...

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